I remember one year ago today, April 10, 2010. I remember everything about that day.
I remember it was a Saturday morning. The girls were watching a movie with my mom in our playroom. My mom had been visiting to help with the baby and was flying home later that afternoon. Kenny was downstairs on an important call for work.
I remember waking up to the worst cramps. I ignored them and tried to feed Kole. Soon I couldn’t ignore them any longer. I made it to the bathroom. I remember feeling light headed and knowing I was going to pass out. I was holding Kole and I remember screaming for my mom to come and grab him because I knew I was about to drop my baby.
I remember coming to and seeing Kenny by my side and telling him I was sorry I messed up his phone call.
I remember passing out again.
I remember coming to and being surrounded by so many faces. They were all talking at once and hooking IV’s into my arms and trying to get me on a stretcher. I remember feeling stressed about all the blood on the bathroom floor and rug.
I remember being carried out of my house on a stretcher and my mom holding Kole walking by my side and saying “it’s ok honey — look, I’m feeding him a bottle and he likes it — the kids will be fine — it’s going to be ok.” But she had tears in her eyes and her voice didn’t sound sure that everything would be ok.
I remember going in and out of consciousness in the ambulance on the ride to the hospital and asking over and over where Kenny was. I remember someone saying “it’s ok – your husband is riding in the front.”
I remember how rushed everything was once I got to the hospital. I remember being taken to an ultra sound room and the lady who gave me the ultra sound looked at the monitor with a nervous look on her face and immediately left the room. She came back and I asked her “am I going to be ok?” and she said “let’s just get you to the doctor.” I remember the panic running through me. She wheeled me out of the room where Kenny and a doctor were waiting for me.
I remember seeing tears streaming down Kenny’s cheeks. Kenny doesn’t cry that often and the look on his face scared me more than anything else.
I remember saying to him “am I going to die?” and he said, “NO. You are going to be just fine. I don’t know why I’m so emotional because everything is going to be ok.” But his voice didn’t sound sure that everything would be ok. I remember he had to hurry and sign some papers and then the doctor was rushing me down a long hall.
I remember thinking about my three kids. My girls. My new baby boy at home with my mom. I remember praying — please please – my kids need me – please – I’m not ready to leave my family – please – I’m not ready to die. I was terrified and it was truly the scariest moment of my life.
I remember lots of doctors rushing around me in the operating room shouting orders at each other. I remember thinking of how it was like I was in a scene straight out of Grey’s Anatomy.
I remember a lady grabbed my hand. I could feel my tears streaming down my cheeks. I told her I was scared and she told me to just relax.
I remember waking up (hours later) in the ICU and being in excruciating pain. I asked the nurse what had happened and she told me I had an emergency hysterectomy and a major blood transfusion. For some reason when she said “hysterectomy” I burst into tears. She held my hand and moved my hair out of my face and told me how lucky I was to be alive. I was in pain for four hours with Kenny by my side holding my hand and a nurse who kept upping my dose of morphine and wondering why it wasn’t doing more to help me.
I remember our Bishop from our church (and a good friend of ours) appearing beside me. I remember he and Kenny giving me a blessing and soon after the blessing my pain started to slow down. Kenny and our Bishop were talking to each other at the end of my bed. Their voices were so soothing and for the first time that day I felt completely calm.
I remember the nurse asking them to leave so that I could get some rest. “NO!” I practically shouted. “I want them to stay.” I remember immediately feeling bad for snapping at her because she had been so nice to me. I just didn’t want the soothing voices to leave. I didn’t want Kenny to leave me.
I remember waking up in a hospital room the next morning. Lots of nurses and doctors in and out checking on me. All of them telling me how lucky I was to be alive. Kenny would come to visit and stay as long as he could and then leave to help my mom with the kids.
I remember thanking God over and over for my husband. What would I do without him right now?
I remember him bringing his computer to the hospital and reading all of the comments on my blog and all of the e-mails I was receiving. People were so quick to send flowers and bring meals. So many people who cared. I was overwhelmed by it all and cried every time I thought about it.
I remember how amazing my mom was. She jumped into my life and just took over everything. Pre-school, Kindergarten, play dates, homework, extra curriculars, up in the night with my newborn, feeding, rocking, non-stop care, hospital visits so I could hold my new baby. She was incredible. So was my sister and so were my friends. They all took such good care of me.
I remember how grateful to God I was to be alive, but at the same time how sad I felt. For weeks after I came home I was SO depressed. So hormonal. So not my usual self. So tired.
I remember my dad coming to visit after I was home from the hospital and when he walked in the door after he had checked on me, he hugged my mom. They hugged and cried. It hit me what I had put them through. What I put my whole family through.
I remember months later starting to feel like myself again and how good it felt. I remember feeling beyond blessed for so many people who went out of their way to help me. Beyond blessed to be alive and happy.
I feel that way today.
I remember it all. April 10th, 2010 is a day I will never forget.
Oh wow….such an emotional post….my throat is all tight after reading this. What an amazing story you have to tell, of this day. I cannot imagine the fear everyone must have been feeling that day – especially your husband. To see his wife and best friend, the mother of his children….so hurt. It must have been awful for him. And then for you…as a mommy, I can only imagine I’d be praying for God to keep me safe – safe for my babies who still need me so much, safe for my husband who would be lost without me.
I’m SO happy that after all that, you are here and doing the mommy thing and the wife thing and the blogging thing :) So glad that you are okay!
I’m getting teary-eyed, too, reading this post. What an awful thing to have to go through. But your story is one of God’s grace and how He was there for you and your family. ((((HUGS))))
You have been through so much – I can’t imagine the fear you felt that day! Thanking God that you are ok and that one year later you are so much happier and at peace.
Big (((HUGS)))
Oh my gosh, what a crazy story. Crazy memories, crazy story, crazy emotional roller coaster. What a blessing though that it is just a memory now. God is good! So happy that you made a full recovery and can share the story. April 10th sure is a day of celebration :)
I have tears in my eyes reading this :(
Thank God you are ok & that you have such a wonderful support system.
So glad that you’re here to be a wonderful mommy to those beautiful children! Definitely got me choked up today–makes me think more to appreciate the everyday.
I am pregnant with my third child and very hormonal. Big ugly tears are spilling down my face. Even though I don’t know you, I have read your blog; hardly ever commenting for over a year now. So glad you are alive and still so sorry you went through that.
I remember reading your blog when Kenny wrote on it and thinking how quickly so many lives can be changed…it’s something we really don’t think about constantly. One day you are home with your tiny little newborn, everyone happy and moving forward, and the next day, everything has changed, and you see what you could have lost. I love that your mom reassured you that Kole could take a bottle in the midst of all it…even with all that you were going through at the time, she knew you (and every mother) would worry about that the most. I am sure a trauma like what you experienced would never leave you really…you will be changed forever by it, not just physically, but emotionally too.
I am so glad you are here Erin!
So many things went wrong that day and so many things went right. Blessings to you and your family.
Wow! I can’t stop crying. Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing Erin.
Wow. What a journey to experience. Thinking of you and after reading this feel a renewed sense of gratitude for this life and you, your sweet family and friends that surrounded you. Grateful that it is a year later and you are doing well.
I’ve just began to follow your blog in the past few months. I love your blog.
I cannot believe all you went through last year at this time. Just know that there are many people out here thinking of you and praying for your family. Thank you for this post. As a homemaker, and a mom, I feel like I never do enough. Well after reading this, today I am just going to take time to hold my children and play with them. You’ve helped me to remember that life is precious.
Wow, Erin. I remember praying for you after reading Sarah’s blog. I’m so glad we serve a faithful God who is the Healer of all things!! I’m also so glad you’re here to encourage so many moms and to make us all laugh with your fun and funny posts!
Wow, I believe that with any traumatic experience, every year at this time you will look back. I have been following your blog for a couple of months now and did read about your incident. You have such a beautiful life with your family and you are truly blessed! I am so happy that your blog has become my favorite and I get to be a part of your virtual life!
Dear Erin,
I remember the 1st post on your blog I ever read was the one written back then, by Kenny. I was triggered to your blog by Sarah, mentioning the hard moments you and your family were living last year…
Thanks God you are ok today, together with your sweet family!
You are so funny and your blog is such a sunny part of the world!
Kisses and all the best, beautiful Erin!
Even though I don’t know you, I have so much love for you right now. Such an amazing story. It definitely pulled on my heartstrings. I felt every detail you described. I can’t imagine how frightened you must’ve been. I’m so glad you’re ok. You are such a cutie and I love reading your blog. Thanks for your example and BLOG FRIENDSHIP!!!!!
Loves…
xoxo
I remember getting that phone call from your mom and hearing the worry in her voice.
I remember walking in to your family room and seeing little Kole sleeping in his bassinet and thinking, “This sweet baby boy almost lost his mommy.”
I remember visiting you when you were hormonal and depressed and how I wanted to reach into your mind and convince you that this would pass and how I wanted to hug it all away.
I remember thinking over and over how thankful I was that you were still here.
Love you Erin!!!
Katrina worded it so well…such an emotional read..and so glad you and your family came through it to be a stronger more beautiful family!
I can’t imagine having been in your shoes Erin. How comforting to think back and know that there is a REASON that you are still here.
Hugs my friend. xoxo
I remember reading Kenny’s words and praying and praying for you and your sweet family. Thank you for sharing your memories. A life changing experience that you would NEVER ask for but are so thankful to have had. You will never be the same and that’s a good thing. hugs!!
Teary… I remember this is why I came over to your blog and how I prayed for you and your family…how it was a blessing that you were not home alone. I remember how great it was to hear good news about your condition. I remember how beautiful it was to see you coming back to your old self. Grateful for you Erin…all the way across the country :)
What a journey God has brought you through this past year! I recently started reading your blog as I linked to it from my sister’s blog. You are such an inspiration–hope you are able to feel God’s love, grace and protection from bring you through that expereince last year. Blessings to you and your beautiful family.
I just put on my make up and now I need to re-do it! I remember reading Kenny’s post, and that it was one of my first comments. I remember thinking thank God this beautiful mom with the fun sense of humor with those 3 beautiful kids and husband is OK. Thank God! And Thank God for your Mom, sister and all those that took care of you! LIfe is good Erin, and I’m so glad you’re here to enjoy it!!
You are such a blessing to all of us….thank you for sharing this and reminding me how precious life is! You are an amazing mother, wife, and friend! I’m so glad I can call you my friend! I’m glad all is well now too!
Love ya Erin!
Erin,
I started following your blog last year when I read about your experience on Cloverlane. At the time I had a new baby boy with two older daughters (the oldest named Ellie), and to say I related to you would be an understatement. I cried when I read your husband’s post last year, and I cried again this morning. Thanks for reminding me how precious life is.
Take care,
Jennifer
I remember seeing a tweet asking for prayers for you. I prayed right then and there and began following your journey from that day on. I really can’t believe it’s already been a year! This post has my throat in knots as I’m at work and don’t want to burst into a hot mess! What a beautifully written story and life you have. :)
Erin,
I don’t know you (besides your adorable blog) but this one made my cry! What a crazy emotional time you went through! Thanks for sharing!
I remember reading your blog at that time too- I was in shock and just felt so worried for your family. Such a scary thing. It is such a wonderful thing to have such a great support system to get us through things like that. I am so glad you are back to your normal self now and thank goodness everything turned out alright.
Erin, your post brought tears to my eyes..It doesn’t seem like it’s been a year already. I remember Mern being here on the Mpnday after it had happened getting her hair done. She had come down to see her mom for her mom’s b-day. I opened up your blog soon after she left and called to tell her the horrible news. We were so scared for you and your family. The week seemed to get worse when Mern’s mom passed away. It was such a crazy time. I am so happy you are doing good now. You look amazing and your cute kiddos definately need their Mama here with them :)
I cried all the way through this. I had a very scary, high risk pregnancy with my 5th baby (he will be one next week) and I am reliving ALL of the emotions of the scary times that went with it right now.
With a traumatic experience like that I think you realize that you are here on earth for a purpose and a specific mission!
Hi Erin,
This was around the time I visited your blog….last year. I think another reader posted on her blog about what had happened to you. I remember praying for you and your family. I am so glad you are doing well. So happy your blogging, too.
And whatever would we do without you? I’m so glad you can and will remember:)
I so remember when Kenny posted on the blog for you this time last year. I so wished that I was your neighbor so that I could help you and your family. What a scary time. I’m so glad that everything worked out so great.
What an amazing story and testimony you have. Especially seeing everything you’ve gone through in the past year and seeing where you are now. You’ve had one amazing journey and God has truly blessed you and your family. You are an inspiration to all of us.
Blessings to you. :)
This just goes to show how amazing a person you are. God knew that you and your family could handle this trial. You are stronger because of it. I know that just reading it has made me thankful for all that I have. I am sure He has a plan for you and your family…He knows that you are strong and can handle even the most trying circumstances. I am so glad that you and your family are ok.
I remember reading the blog post by Kenny and praying that you would be okay. It’s crazy how life is so unexpected. One minute you are bringing a life into the world and the next minute your own life is in jeopardy. What a scary experience.
I’m so glad to know that a year later you are healthy and happy!
Hey Erin,
I am a newer follower of your blog, as you know (I feel like we are kitchen buddies since you talked me through my remodel).
I haven’t had a chance to read all of your archives, so I didn’t know about this. What a scary moment in your life. Thank goodness you are okay. God was watching over you and your family for sure. You are truly blessed.
Shannon in PA
I love the way you write. Thank you for sharing. We are so glad you are still here too!
I am sure you had a flood of emotions today. You have an amazing story to share that sure does make me appreciate the small everyday moments in my life! Thank you for sharing your life and stories with us.
I have tears in my eyes reading this. So glad you are ok:)
This means it was exactly a year ago that I started reading your blog. Although I’m sorry you had to go through this, I’m so glad that it led me to your blog. :) If nothing else, those memories make your life today with your sweet kids all the more precious. Sending love from Kansas!
I still can’t believe all that happened to you! And I can’t believe it’s been year! I just remember how scared and freaked out I was after finding out, even though I knew you were ok by then. I could not even think about you not being here for your kids, it was just an unbearable thought- thinking about the loss of my Mom, and how loosing you while your kids were so little would be a gazillion times worse than that! Not to mention how much I need you too! :) I could not imagine life with out Erin! I am so very thankful that you are here being a wonderful Mommy and wife! And thankful that you are doing it today in Maui with me! Love you so much!
I’m balling uncontrolably. I don’t even know you, but I feel like I was there because of your details. You are such a strong woman. I will be lucky if I am half the wife and mother that you are. I am blessed that I have found your blog and have found you. So I am very happy that you are here to tell this story. Kisses!
Nikki xoxo
I am so glad you overcame everything to be with your kids today, there is definitely a rhyme and reason for it. xo
Thank you, for sharing your thougths & feelings about this day. What a blessing that you are alive. I lost my dad on April 10th, back in 2004. He died suddenly of a heart attack & left my mom & us 9 children behind. Some of my children have never even met him.
So I will also never forget this day. Thank you for sharing something so personal with us. Remembering helps the healing.
Such an open and honest account of what you went through Erin. And from Kenny as well. I’ve only been following your blog for a little while. And this post is truely moving. So pleased and thankful that you made it through this difficult time. A sad time, yes, but it needs to be remembered and you have done that so beautifully
Such an open and honest account of what you went through Erin. And from Kenny as well. I’ve only been following your blog for a little while. And this post is truely moving. So pleased and thankful that you made it through this difficult time. A sad time, yes, but it needs to be remembered and you have done that so beautifully
I am new to your blog and am reading this now for the first time. I had a serious medical condition this last January (a blood clot that almost caused me to lose my leg or possibly my life) though not quite as serious as yours. I had tears while reading this post because I relate to those feelings. I have become to feel back to my “old self” recently and am grateful to blogs like yours that are so open and honest. It is truly refreshing. God bless you and your family.
I had a very scary, life-threatening experience several years ago and you touched on all the same emotions I felt. Above all those emotions and worries were how the experience was affecting my loved ones. I felt horribly guilty that I had caused them to feel fearful and sad even though I had no control over the situation. I did not have a child at the time, but as a parent now I often worry about my health and safety with regard to my son. I pray that God will continue to allow me to be here on this earth as long as my son needs me in this life. I’m so glad you made it safely out of that situation and appreciate you sharing your story. Hopefully it will serve to remind everyone to cherish all of the moments (even the not-so-good ones) they have with the people they love.
Erin, I’m a new reader to your blog, but I am so happy that you are ok.
Wow! What an amazing story. Your mom is one great lady! Thanks for sharing an experience that is so tender to help us remember those things that are most precious!
Oh my goodness Erin. I have tears streaming down my face reading this post. I’m so glad you are ok. How terrifing for you and all your family. I’m just so sad this happened to you. Thank goodness you are ok. I only recently discovered your blog through a recommendation of ‘mummy blogs’ from another mum I follow on facebook. For the last week I have been reading daily from your very first post, I’m not up to current day yet but I will be in a week or 2 I’m sure. I have an Ella (my Elly Meg) and am pregnant with number2. If we have another girl, she will be named Addison (Addi May) so when I saw your girl’s names it made me smile straight away. I really love your blog, you are becoming a daily addiction :) I’ve even read out-loud a few funny things to my husband about Kenny, I don’t have to explain who ‘Erin’ is before I start talking now and it’s only been a week! :) Thank you so much for creating and maintaining your wonderful blog, I really love it!
Amy – Country N.S.W. Australia.
Just found your blog after drifting through blogland. Somehow ended up at this post, which struck a cord with me because I had a traumatic birth experience with my first baby. Severe pre-eclampsia at 33 weeks and emergency c-section. My labs were off the charts and I could have died (although I didn’t realize it). My baby spent 3 weeks in the NICU.
Then I realized the date that this happened to you. My baby was born March 27, 2010. April 10th we were still living in the hospital at the NICU with our lives turned upside down. Crazy to hear other people’s stories that took place at the same time. Forever changed. Forever thankful. Blessings to you.
Thank you so much for the kind comments everyone. They truly mean so much.
Anonymous – Your comment gave me chills! So grateful you too are ok and well. We both have much to be grateful for! Blessings to you sweet friend!
Hi Erin,
I’ve been following your blog for a few months and only just read this post, this is such an awful thing to happen! I’ve just been through a very similar experience in October 2015 (though mine was septicaemia) and reading your post has brought me to tears. It’s amazing to see how far you’ve come in almost 5 years, you’re such a brave lady and inspirational for me to see that life does go back to normal after something like this! Thank you for sharing! Xxx
What a sweet comment Ebru! Thank you! I’m so sorry to hear you just went through something similar. It’s so scary and hard and a long road to get back to “normal.” But you will! Hang in there sweet friend. Thinking of you! xo