Happy Valentine’s Day friends!  It will be over by the time you read this, but I hope you had a good one. :)  In honor of this recent holiday focusing on LOVE I thought it might be fun to talk marriage.  Because I’m married.  And because I’ve been married for what feels like forever.  Ha!  (Sorry babe..)

This year my husband and I will celebrate our 20 year anniversary.  (see.. forever right?)  ;)  We are high school sweethearts who got married young (you can read the story of how we met and fell in love here) so we have really grown up together.  We certainly don’t have a perfect marriage, but overall we are happy and definitely still in love.  We have learned a lot through the years about what works for us so I thought I’d share 10 ways we keep our marriage strong.

I said to Kenny a few days ago “babe.. I’m working on a post about marriage.  We aren’t doing everything right, but I’m going to focus on the things we are doing right.  Do you have any words of wisdom to contribute?”  His answer..

“Well I’m doing everything right…”  

Thanks babe.  Such a huge help as always.

Clearly I’m on my own with this post. ;)

Before I get started (and for those of you who don’t already “know” us) you should know that we are complete opposites.  Like in every way possible.

He loves sushi.  I hate all food from the sea.
He is intense.  I am low key.
He snacks on cookies.  I snack on candy.
He likes things clean.  I like things cleaner than that.
He struggles with creativity.  I live to create.
He plans for our future.  I plan for our next party.
I don’t like contention.  He loves to debate.
He is a saver.  I am a spender.
He loves country music.  I love all music but country music.
He loves to challenge the kids.  I just want to keep them young.
He is a realist.  I am an optimist.
He drives cautious.  I go for speed.
He is logical.  I am emotional.
He is extremely competitive.  There’s not a competitive bone in my body.
I am a peace maker.  He is a trouble maker.
He loves spreadsheets.  I love 1,000 thread count sheets. ;)
He is a morning person.  I am a night owl.
He could travel for months.  I get homesick after a week.
He craves change.  I love routine.
He is hot tempered.  I am level headed.
He is a long term planner.  I live week to week.
His ideal vacation is go go go.  My ideal vacation is veg veg veg.
He hates surprises.  I love to be surprised.
He is analytical.  I am ana-what?

I could go on for days!  But you get the picture.  :)  We really are so different!  We’ve had to learn how to make our differences work for us instead of against us over the years.  So despite our differences.. these are the things *I think* Kenny and I are doing right. :) 10 ways we keep our marriage strong.  

1 – We talk things out and are quick to apologize.  

We fell in love over the phone and have always been able to talk about everything and nothing.  We love just talking to each other!  We are not the type of people to silently stew over anything.  If we’re having a disagreement or something feels off in our marriage, we don’t wait to deal with it.  We don’t like to be mad at each other so one of us always apologizes quickly (usually him because I’m always right) ;) then we talk things out and either agree or we agree to disagree and we move on.  Our talks usually end with Kenny saying something sarcastic and me laughing and all is right in the world again.  I think we’ve learned to do this well over the years because of our different personalities.  We think so differently sometimes which means that we disagree often!  But like I said, we really hate to be mad at each other so we’ve learned to just accept that we have different opinions, compromise when we can and resolve arguments quickly.

2 – We laugh together every day.  

{An oldie but a goodie from our dating years.  My hair and those sweats are HOT. ;)}

Life is busy and when you’re married with kids it’s so easy to get caught up in the mundane management of schedules and work and kids’ activities and bills and projects and to-do’s, etc.  As different as Kenny and I are, one thing we do have in common is our sense of humor.  We laugh at a lot of the same things.  I’ve always loved sarcasm and my husband invented it.  We joke around a lot and he teases me constantly and we have funny moments together daily.  Usually at my expense, but it has made me tough. ;)  I really love this about our marriage.  We have always had fun together!  Joking around and laughing with each other keeps us close.

3 – We don’t sweat the small stuff and we focus on what each other brings to the table.  

Our opposite personalities are what brought us together and what we love about each other, but those opposites can also be frustrating and hard to live with sometimes!  Whenever Kenny does something that drives me crazy (happens daily!) I try to remember everything he does right.  Yes.. he left his clothes on the closet floor AGAIN. But he also drove the girls to school so I could exercise, worked hard all day to provide for our family, came home to help El with homework, picked up Ad from dance, played with Kole for 20 minutes and then helped me with technical issues on my blog.  I think I can let the clothes on the floor slide. ;)  Just an example but these things come up daily.  I know there are little things I do or forget to do that drive my husband crazy, but he also recognizes how hard I work every day and all the balls I’m juggling and he lets the little stuff slide.  If he doesn’t, I remind him to. ;)

4 – We have set roles that focus on our strengths.

Because we are so different we’ve learned to really focus on each of our strengths.  We have very set roles of who handles what and we stick to it.  It just works for us!  My husband is amazing at handling our finances.  Because you all know how many Pottery Barn pillows I buy you might speculate that I’m not.. ha!  That is something he has always been better at so he handles the finances in our marriage.  We discuss all big purchases and saving plans together of course and I always know what’s going on, but he handles the bills and our accounts and saving for the future because if I was running things our retirement would be safely spent at The Container Store. ;)  I handle most things with the house (cleaning, maintenance, etc.) and the kids (homework, activities, day to day details) because I’m better at managing those things.  Although now that El is in 7th grade I have happily passed her math homework off to Kenny.  I’ll still help with all writing and English, but I just can’t get excited about re-learning Algebra every other night. ;)  There are hundreds of little day to day things that we just know who is doing what.  He always gets the cars washed, I always do the laundry.  He always plans our vacations, I always do all of the packing for our vacations.  He is tech smart so he always handles computer and technical issues, I am more level headed so I always handle kid drama and emotional issues, etc.  Bottom line.. we both bring different strengths to the table and because of this we make a pretty good team when it comes to being efficient and managing life together.

5 – We care about things the other one cares about.  

I heard a quote once that has always stuck with me because it made me think of my marriage.  “Care about the things the people you care about care about.”  My husband and I have very different passions.  I have zero interest in motorcycles and marathon training and he certainly doesn’t care about decorating and fashion.  But we care about each other.  So I patiently look at on-line pictures of certain ad ons that he’s excited about for his bike (they seriously all look the same to me!) and he patiently gives me his opinion on whether my new vase should sit on the console table or the coffee table (which most certainly makes no difference to him!).  But when you share a life with someone I think it’s important to value the things they value and to care about things they care about.  Even when you have to try.  Hard. ;)  That’s one way we show how much we care about each other.

6 – We encourage each other to pursue hobbies and things we love and to take breaks.

This sort of goes hand in hand with #5.  Kenny and I have very different interests and hobbies and recognize how important it is for each other to do the things we are passionate about.  He is happy to watch the kids certain evenings so that I can enjoy dinner with my girl friends (he knows I need and love this!) and I am happy to run the kids around on Saturday morning so he has time to exercise.  I’m always telling him to take a break and go do something he enjoys with friends or to take a nap if he’s overly tired and he practically pushes me out the door encourages me to attend blog conferences even when they initially intimidate me and this means he is flying solo at home for a few days.  We have both learned over the years that when we give each other time to do things that we love or to take breaks from kids and work, we come home refreshed and happy and in great moods.  I always tell Kenny that I’d rather have him around half of the day Saturday in a really good mood because he got some down time, than to have him home all day in a not so good mood.  We all need breaks!  Especially parents.  Raising kids is hard and can be exhausting.  If you aren’t allowing yourself and your spouse time to recharge every once in a while that can affect your overall mood and marriage big time.

7 – We connect often throughout the day.

Not just to talk about schedules and to-do’s, but also to check in with each other and see how the day is going.  We share funny things that might have happened or tease each other in text messages.  It always brightens my day to get a phone call or text from my husband and to hear.. “hey babe.. thinking about you.  How is your day going?” :)

8 – We prioritize time together as a couple.

We have always prioritized date nights and the two of us go out once almost every weekend.  Usually on Saturday because we are always exhausted from the week on Friday night!  Our date might just be to grab a quick sandwich and make a Costco run, but it’s time spent together with just the two of us.  Now that El is 13 she can babysit (this has been LIFE CHANGING for us!) but when the kids were younger, we prioritized finding good sitters that could watch the kids for a few hours once every weekend.  We also try to go on one trip each year with just the two of us.  It’s so nice to get away together without the stress and busyness of life to just be a couple and remember why we fell in love in the first place. :)

9 – We prioritize family time.

As our kids get older this is becoming harder, but it’s something that is so important to us!  Making family time a priority usually means that we miss out on other things, but we never regret time we all spend together.  So many of our best family memories come from our little weekend outings.  We go on hikes, go on rides to get yogurt, go to dinner at our favorite pizza place, or just spend an hour or two in our backyard hanging out together.  Whatever it is, we always try to do something together as a whole family every weekend.  We also prioritize a couple of bigger family trips every year.  Connecting with our kids and as a whole family definitely strengthens our marriage and keeps Kenny and I close and on the same page.

10 – We’re still into each other.

This blog is rated G and my girls now read it once in a while, so I’m not going to go into details on this one.  (I can just hear their “Ewwwww … MOM!!”)  But I’ll just say that physical intimacy is important too!  Even just the little things.. holding hands, hugging often, telling each other “you look really good today”.  These things bring us closer together and have always been important in our relationship.

So those are the 10 main things that keep our marriage strong and work for us! Like I said before, our marriage isn’t perfect.  I’m sure I could just as easily list 10 things we could be doing better.  (Or 20 things or 100!)  He could start by hanging up his clothes (for the love!) and I suppose I could stay away from the Pottery Barn pillows.  Or we could not and pretend that we did. ;)  But we do love each other and respect each other and we work hard to keep our marriage strong.  I feel like the longer we’re married the more we learn what works for us and what helps us to stay close to each other.

Alright.. I’ve spilled it all and then some!  I’d love to hear what things you’re doing to keep your marriage or relationship strong!

Or just what you do to get your husband to hang up his clothes.

;)